There is a monster in my mind. And I think I’m going insane. At first it used to disguise as a raven, just flying around whenever it felt like, screaming nevermore as an answer for whatever I began to wonder about. It was like a piece of the dark night sky shaped like a bird that had fallen over me, a ravenous raven that is taking over me and I could ever barely see. Until I realized it was not a raven at all. However, it is ravenous, indeed, but it cannot fly. It can only fall and drag me down and fill the whole universe or an entire mind – which are pretty much similar, when you think about it – with blinding shadows.
Anyway, this monster was no bird, even though it came hovering over my mind. Its name is Darkness and I can never see it ever since it stopped disguising as a winged creature. I guess it has just got too close from my mind so I can no longer see it flying. Now it is only a huge, endless dark shadow. I cannot see it: I can only hear its voice, feel its hunger, sense its sharp, cold breath while it whispers in my mind that all of this is just a lie. All of it. There is no blue sky, no bright stars, no songs, no poems, no lights. All of it are only lots of things we make up to make this dark existence bearable – maybe even enjoyable for a while – but the monster shows me the reality of these shadows surrounding me and how any lights just seem so plastic and fake.
This monster is slowly feeding on my mind – on my soul. It is eating up my heart like red ice cream and drinking all the glow that was left in my eyes like wine. It is replacing me, becoming me. I am turning into it. I feel like my eyes are getting colder and darker. Soon they will be so dark I will see no more and it all will just vanish. I am slowly disappearing. Soon I will be nothing but Darkness.
“Nothing but Darkness”, I almost say it like it’s a bad thing! No, it is not a bad thing at all, it’s the only real thing in the whole damn universe! It is all only one single cold dark verse – it is what this Darkness inside my mind tells me and it has now become part of me. This monster in my mind tells me the only way to read this dark verse, the only real thing in the whole universe, is by becoming fully part of it, to surrendering to darkness and writing this verse with your own blood. Writing with blood… what the hell? Am I losing my mind? Maybe so, I guess the Darkness drives you insane – or is this just horrible sanity? I don’t know. All I know is I see only shadows around me and the meaning for any of it is in this verse that shall be the last thing I read in the universe. The only real thing I will ever write and read.
So, if the only way to read it is by writing it with my own blood, thus I shall do, then. Yeah, I know damn well there is a monster in my mind. It feeds on my pain and I know I am sane now.